The Rhoids!

So here I was crouching head-down on my belly in the Doctor’s chair, my ass hoisted in the air in a very un-reassuring position for a shy reclusive and heretical buttocks, when it suddenly hit me, no, not the intrusive instruments of the doctors perianal conspiracy, but the sudden realization that the problems with my ass, if memory served me correctly, seem to have come about around the same time as my problems with my Assads, which, indeed, made perfect sense to me, seeing that all involved are indeed full of shit.

But then my realization went deeper than that when I remembered that I can actually date my first serious bout of hemorrhoidal pain and bleeding back to the early days of the US-led invasion of Iraq. I, then, had a series of “dry runs” coinciding nicely with my first stint at Brookings in mid 2004. But, and beginning in mid January 20005, things went down hill and colon upon my return to Damascus, with the onset of that long period of incessant interrogations by Syria’s various security apparatuses, and my incessant defiance thereof. Consequently, a surgery became necessary in April – the bleeding stopped – a death-threat inevitable in June -the throbbing pain came back – and exile a relief in September – the bleeding of anus and soul returned, and never looked back.

My bleeding is but a reflection of the turbulence around and within me, my anus is a barometer. This world is going indeed to shit, and, if some had their way, so will my life.

The latest ramification of the Time’s article is the embellishment in an Arabic site run by another troubled Syrian soul in exile, a journalist and a graduate of the Syrian prison system who have developed his own unique way of coping with his own growing disillusionment with the Syrian regime and his own messianic predilections, Nizat Nayouf. His way allows him to quote “widely knowledgeable sources” in Syria, while maintaining a semblance of objectivity and stating that their claims “are rather difficult to verify.” indeed. The “widely knowledgeable sources” in Syria claim that I am a triple agent of sorts playing all sides, including the US Administration, the regime and the NSF, and that I have secretly recorded NSF meetings, and sent the recordings to the Presidential Palace in my Damascus, through my mother, the well-known actress Muna Wasssef who, naturally, is very “close to the Palace.”

The source also identifies the Tharwa Project as the vehicle of the US conspiracy, albeit it admits that our funding initially came from a Dutch organization connected, according to “widely knowledgeable sources” in the Netherlands this time around, to the Protestant-Jewish lobby.

In fact, however, I never attended any of the NSF meetings, because, here I am the center of a CIA covert plot to bring down the Syrian regime and no one has seen fit so far to speed up the approval of my asylum application and give me a goddamn passport. I took part in establishing the NSF virtually, I have never yet met Khaddam or Bayanouni, and other than the US-based members of the NSF, I only met those who came here for occasional visits. Now, I should think that that would make it pretty hard for me to get any recordings of NSF meetings, unless, of course, I had accomplices. This is what the new version of the report will likely claim in some future date.

As for my Dutch donors, well, actually, they happen to be a branch of an international Catholic organization, namely the well-known Pax Christi, known for its peacebuilding and humanitarian activities all through the world, even here in the good old USA.


* The widely knowledgeable sources remain the bane of our existence in this world. They fuck up war. They fuck up peace. They fuck up objectivity. When they are real, that is. More often, however, they are nothing more than tattered disguises for our growing sense of insecurity and paranoia.

* We all live under the delusion of being right and good most if not all of the time. And though I tend to question myself often with regard to my basic motives, intentions and means, I cannot claim to be any less susceptible to this tendency than any given one of us. For this reason, I have no option but to muddle through the dark days and ways that lie in front of me, stumbling from one sudden realization to another until I make some sense of it all, or someone makes some sense of me.

Ouch Doc, yeah, that really does hurt.

10 thoughts on “The Rhoids!

  1. Ammar, I wish you the best with your health… this is very troubling news.As for this latest “exposé” of your subversive links… what can be said? The TIME article was sabotage not only meant for American politics, but sufficient enough “proof” for the authorities in Syria to crack down on your activities and your organizations. Tharwa, unsurprisingly, has been “linked” to foreign conspiracies–this gives the regime all the more pretext it loves for stopping opposition activities. I think this is a legitimate reason for why the opposition should avoid even the image of relations with foreign governments… it definitely will kill a group even when this is not justified.But if the Syrian regime really wants to talk about conspiracies… we can help them, can’t we?

  2. OK, Ammar you’ve exposed man. You can’t go on like this. Muna Wassef in Damascus and you in Washington. That doesn’t look very good.

  3. LOL Ammar, what a visual feast. a little more than i wanted to visualize. Hope you feel better.I couldn’t find the name of this Dutch organization. I am interested to read about it since i live in Amsterdam. So i would appreciate it if you post a link.

  4. Ammar-When you got your exam, if you felt “both” the doctors hands on your shoulders…well, that is what the Assads have done to the entire ME region.

  5. AA: It’s this line I find the most disturbing. It’s extremely lazy ‘reporting.’ “The Front includes the Muslim Brotherhood, an Islamist organization that for decades supported the violent overthrow of the Syrian government, but now says it seeks peaceful, democratic reform.”Let me translate: Ammar Abdulhamid is an Islamic terrorist. The U.S. is in danger of putting a ‘new Taliban’ in power in Syria. (Your new name is Ammara Bin Hamiden.)It’s a perfectly reasonable topic to write an article on but ‘tarring’ someone with guilt-by-association is cheap.

  6. WOW. This post is powerful. It is a stretch to find some encouraging words……I was wondering about the man you spoke of, the other syrian exile. In Alan George’s book on the ‘Damascus Spring’ followed by Winter, he mentions a journalist who had spent 9 years in prison – Nizar Nayyouf- now in France. I take it this is the same person?Back to your colon……Unfortunately, it is true, that the gut and the skin tend to be the two most common arenas of somatic expression. They speak the truth and reflect the state of things… our soul and system.The freudians, such as myself, would hope that a man so vocal and prolific as you….. should not suffer the somatic take over, but perhaps the unrelenting state of your complaints simply reflects the severity of what you are contending with and the degree to which it continues to overwhelm you. sorry to say….you need periodic respite….imposed on you if necessary…

  7. My wife signals her fierce agreement with you Zenobia. Don’t worry Howie, my rhoids kept my doctor’s hands quite busy, and the shreds of my dignity remain somehow “intact.” And Curt, guilt by association makes us all sinners. So, one way or another, I am definitely guilty.

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